California beaches. There is nothing like them.

I have yet to meet a Californian who doesn’t love the beach. The sand is warm, the water is blue, and everyone can just sit on their towels soaking up the sun and enjoying life.

If you’re a West (Best) Coaster on the East Coast your beach options are limited. You can head south and go to the North Carolina Coast–otherwise known as the Outer Banks–or you can head north. We head north.

Our destination? Dewey Beach, DE. If you’re an East Coaster you know Dewey. It is infamous. It will change your life (if not for the better, then definitely for the interesting.) Our group even calls itself The Dewey Family, after we all bonded during a trip on Memorial Day weekend in 2011. If you’ve watched Jersey Shore, you have an idea of what we do one weekend every summer. Drinking, dancing, singing, drinking, bbqing, tanning, drinking, pranks, bonding and oh, did I mention drinking? It’s kind of dirty, fairly trashy, and just a good time.

Here is how you too can have a perfect beach vacation, even if you’re on the East Coast.

Step 1. Have an extremely organized friend to lead  the troops – a Dewey Overlord, if you will. This persons jobs will include finding the house, purchasing food and liquor, making car and room assignments and compiling an insane list of rules that will actually save all of your lives at one point. Do not question the Dewey Overlord.

Step 2. Rent a hella bomb house. Patios and/or roof decks are preferred. Mentally prepare yourself for the fact that someone is going to break something in your awesome house and you will not be getting all of your deposit money back.

Rooftop decks are CLUTCH! (photo courtesy of JDB)

Step 3. Load up the car with your favorite friends. Have snacks. And a super awesome playlist that you can sing your faces off to. Dancing in your seat is highly encouraged. At least one of your songs should reference California. Because we said so.

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Step 4. Drive. Forever.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? (photo courtesy for JDB)

Step 5. Now here is where it differs from CA: don’t go to the beach. Hit the bars. In CA, there would be bonfires and beers and comfy seats to sit in. In Dewey, there are bars. LOTS OF THEM. Want fried chicken at 2 am? We got you. Need to dance to some dub-step? Not a problem. Want some live music and to be surrounded by critter pants (eek)? Follow us.

Really, we can enjoy any beach.

Step 6. Dance. Drink an Orange Crush. Dance. Drink an Orange Crush. Repeat as necessary.

This tastes like a creamsicle. Solid.

Step 7. Share a bed with your 2 favorite gal pals. Photo shotos are strongly encouraged. (Fully clothed photo shoots – keep your mind out of the gutter.)

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Step 8. Go to Cracker Barrel. Order something wtih gravy. Get an extra side of gravy as well. DON’T RUN OUT OF GRAVY.

In California we may have gone for the parfait…

Step 9. Day drink. Wander from bar to bar. Trick your friends into buying absurd outfits. Forget to put on sunscreen. Make friends with strangers. Find a bar game and dominate it for 3 hours, to the disgust of the rest of the bar. The options are endless.

It’s 9AM. Do you know where your Orange Crush is?

Step 10. Wake up early. Load up the car. Drive home. Be torn between never EVER wanting to return and never EVER wanting to leave.

Byeeeee!

It’s easy enough, and it satisfies that craving to hit the beach. Sometimes people actually even go to the beach. Sometimes.

This is what you find on Delaware’s finest beaches.

But it’ll never beat California beaches. We’ll always be California Girls.

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